You Snooze You Win

by Theophagus

/
1.
ORPHAN OF A ROCK OPERA (Look away!) What is this treason? I cannot bear to look! (bear to look) But something tells me that I... (just might have to look) You all have forsaken me!! And now-- (something tells me) You must DIE! Die by my hand! (you all must die - die by his hand) And I said that all of, of you, all are going to DIE (You're going to die, you're going to die I don't want doo-doo-die) Oh! But I didn't think - about my love interest in this rock opera that does not really exist Oh! I am so forsaken now (Don't look!)
2.
Hornswoggled 01:17
HORNSWOGGLED Have you ever been hornswoggled? I hear it's pretty killer With the wake and work and wait and getaway clean [I think these lacquer fumes are getting to me] Have you ever had your woofers blown? I hear it makes your eyes spin With the fry and fly and flip and howdy, Howdy D Howdy Doody was a pervert Betty Crocker was a G Beetle Bailey was a sucka Have you ever had a katzenjammer? I hear it's like the "jim-jams" With the cry and crack and cringe and "mop-up aisle nine"
3.
THE BALLAD OF LADY LUCK A dot's just a dot Unless it's the top of a flagpole If that's where you are You don't know how long the rest of this song will be If you're only this far So piss up that flagpole and shit up a storm And tell us if you think that you'll be kept warm When you are still wearin' that same uniform When you're dead 'Cause every so often your asshole will shit YOU instead
4.
Harbor 01:27
5.
WHERE THE HELL IS HEAVEN? There's something so really wrong about this whole thing Lay down in the junkyard And breathe in all that you see Don't fuck with me, fellas 'Cause I'm headed right towards seven The crust is all that's left when you stop dreaming The bass under me in the junkyard Please tell us, where the hell is heaven? There's something so "last year" about this whole thing The circle closes on your pained lower back Don't fuck with me, fellas, I'm headed right towards seven Please tell us, where the hell is heaven? And if you think I'm wakin' up, baby, you're motherfuckin' dreaming White blood under black in the junkyard Where the hell is heaven?
6.
DESERT FLOWER At the beginning of a brand-new life in the desert land Bermuda shorts and a brand-new wife If you could do it all again, would you waste the time And dine with your head in the sand? A bad idea just gets badder, harmless as it may seem Until you find yourself climbing up the ladder Everyone in every scene is actin' cartoon And the moon is the light on the outlaw in your dream Down in the garden of the willow tree Where the winds are soft and billowy Your head of worry in the pillow deep You will dream you're the ether Those outlaws fly the coop from underground Hard world for little things The El Dorado and the trail, the scent of Royal Crown Bad trouble, what it brings You refinance your spread You hold your head in your hands as the jailbirds sing There's what's right, and there's the way you'll set this You say it to your shame And the one that needs to get his diphtheria and tetanus You know his real name The shapes and shadows of the cast have passed And the future looks about the same
7.
8.
9.
10.
VIRGIN MARY PLASTIC NITE LITE SONG I got a Virgin Mary nite lite It keeps my bathroom lit all the time
11.
I AM JUST A BRAIN (I'm only a brain I am a brain I am just a I'm just a brain) I made a hand spell out these words (I'm only a brain I am a brain I am just a I'm just a brain) Then I used a pair of eyes to read what I had written (I'm only a brain I am a brain I'm am just I'm a just a brain) What you are hearing comes from a mouth (I'm only a brain I am a brain I am just I am just a brain) But how to form it - how it comes out - Another brain made its body write that "God does not play dice" Another brain made its body ask "How much choice did God have?" But I am just a brain (I'm only a brain I am a brain I am just I am just a brain) Now I make the body stand (I'm only a brain I am a brain I am just I am just a brain) Singin' this to you (I'm only a I am a I am just a I'm just a just a brain) So you can keep it in your brain for a day or two (I'm only a brain I am a brain I am just a I'm just a brain) The singing mouth drives me insane... and so do you! Another brain made its body write that "God does not play dice" Another brain made its body ask "How much choice did God have?" But I am just a brain (I am just a brain) Yeah! (...A BRAIN!) I am just a brain! (I'm just a just a just a just a a a just a just a Just a brain)
12.
Half Moon 02:32
HALF MOON I steered my wagon toward the sea We headed back at five to three You know that something’s got to change and it just may as well be me Just like an older state of rust without the state of being just Corroded morning doesn’t seem so strange When you kill yourself it won’t surprise me Now who’d have thought you’d hear the sound go to the shore and all around I’ve learned the triangle by touch while never being so profound When one is furthest from a saint is when one never says he ain’t So when this poetry becomes too much When you kill yourself it won’t surprise me. My newfound self-esteem says I don’t need you. My newfound self-esteem says I don’t need you anymore.
13.
Urban Todd 01:15
URBAN TODD So familiar Bursting in Movie blue [Startled din] I remember him Two of my best friends Urban Todd
14.
15.
DON'T BLAME ME (I VOTED FOR ROCK 'N' ROLL) You can't blame me for all this It all had changed, I had turned I made my point as known as - - well, as known as it should be I could be wrong I lost my way back home A song - I don't accept this tone I feel so disorient, have reached a point of mulish No longer part of those defending Well, I guess that's the way it should be But I could be wrong I lost my way back home A song of which I have outgrown
16.
Must Exit 01:31
MUST EXIT The blacktop just keeps on, local girl stays home Just like Japanese-animated teeth Just like King Solomon's Reef The rooftop just keeps on Find another home You must exit here Down small town career Go for a walk Jackknife I've got a right mind to find some brew and mash And I would, but it's cashed And I've got to find some place to crash and wake and make a dash and yes, the blacktop just keeps on
17.
Furlough Boy 02:45
18.
19.
SPINE & SKULL [aka THE FACTIONS OF FICTION] The factions of fiction, resplendent with diction acquired from a desperate call Were given their taste near the Tropic of Waste whilst our piss-boners destroyed us all The desensitivity raised in captivity spawned with its ghostly-white friends Who’d come back to haunt ‘em as the voices of quantum remind you that it never ends Oh oh oh oh Wild mathematics and quivering mass Cacophonous mantras of theory They meditate to obtain peace of ass But in the end, what you send is so eerie Crystal tradition of stubborn ignition stomps down a patty of bleach Warm kisses travel to the spine & skull gavel and the guilty are sent to the beach The fictional factoid the piss-boners destroyed rode a custodial break Once on the sand, she just showed us a hand and headed back into the lake Oh oh oh oh Wild mathematics and quivering mass Cacophonous mantras of theory They meditate to obtain peace of ass but in the end, the results that you send are so indescribably eerie
20.
YOU SNOOZE YOU WIN No harm, no foul No blues, no sin You snooze you win
21.
BOTTLE OF JEALOUSY As long as you are livin’, you will never be forgiven for throwing all my love for you away You betrayed me with your treason but you still don’t see a reason that I’d still be crying to this very day She said I should be happy for her and her new lover If I can’t have you, I hope you suffer I just can’t let it go and I’d just thought I’d let you know that it’s because I’m too depressed and too unstable You took me for a sucker - you were right, you motherfucker (who needs love when I got cable) Why should I be happy for your happiness when you were happy for my misery? All I wanted was you (I hope you die) I don’t want to be your friend (I hope you die) All my fears have come true (I hope you die) My back is broken again I hope you die
22.
VIAJE A LAS ESTRELLAS I gots courage, I gots courage I like my coffee in styrofoam cups I LIKE MY COFFEE
23.
Pressing 01:19
PRESSING Catalina Patty in plastic & paper Courage in converging lanes Call it closure, but I jus' had to tape her I got balls and matching chains and I'm being pulled under, lookin' for the inner tube but my inner child must'a popped it when he was fuckin' around Bein' pulled under, lookin' for the inner tube In the heat of Molach's blazes see the children with their eyes rolled back An exhibition that astounds and amazes It's just another of his sinister phases The flaming pedestal perfidious raises That's where you'll find me Bisected at the waist and painted black
24.
25.
POLYGON MOSES From the screen to select to the lay of the land The stone to erect, the control in my hand The feedback is tactile and covered with sand Pen and ink, let them drink
26.
Gwambesque 01:06
27.
Kid Salami 00:30
KID SALAMI Ev'rybody talkin' 'bout da Kid Salami Ev'rybody talkin' 'bout meh: Kid Salami I got the kinda pecker [like] "L'incrociatore"
28.
What 01:17
WHAT I like my sex on a trapeze On The Turning Away...Japanese Jalapeño jack is my favorite cheese I'll come back gold like a dolphin Hi, my name is Alcibiades Roger just blew us a stiff cool breeze You can't see the paper for the trees but the tickets I've sold are wolfen [sic] Why do I have to ask "why do I have to ask 'why do I have to ask why?'?"?
29.
PLUSH NOTHING He's just a Bill but not just an artiste For his fictional kid and his fictional beast were cause for applause, to say what is least And they live on For when you stand up and refuse to sell them to plush to sell them to plush, to sell them to plush ...then, what the fuck? You see them smokin' grass and pissin' on somebody's truck It's hard to image his kid as a man, forever innocent It always ran in what's black & white and read 'cross the land And they live on And had they not disappeared from the pages I'm sure that they'd be revered through the ages Not geared toward the wages, he feared all the cages For when you stand up and refuse to sell them to plush to sell them to plush, to sell them to plush ...then, what the fuck? You see them smokin' grass [Pants down around the ass] For when you stand up and refuse to sell them to plush to sell them to plush, to sell them to plush ...then, what the fuck? You see them smokin' grass and pissin' on somebody's truck
30.
31.
ANOTHER FIRST #2 I had a dream I was bein’ chased by Deney Terrio It was so scary-o Happened in stereo I had a dream that he had been hit by an atomic blast He was screamin’, "Avast!" He was runnin’ so fast I had a dream that my running shoes, they were both made of lead "Avast, ye swine!!" he said; he was after my head I had a dream that I then woke up And then it seemed so tame (wrote it down just the same) “Another First” the name Another first
32.
33.
SAANEN HOCK CHEVON I could jump from the top of a building with my face washed clean Our eyes would meet, you'd fall for me then Love at first sight, all the way down I could rip out all of my IV's with both my lovin' arms You'd see my point, you'd love me again Love at first sight, to the very end This is not the ensemble I had in mind But I do it the same ev'ry fuckin' time The title is irrelevant, it's still the same fuckin' song That's why I called it somethin' stupid, like "Saanen Hock Chevon" If I could just put down this pen--
34.
35.
36.
MISS PARASITE You ask me why did I leave you for the girl in the malted liquor ads I'll tell you why you still need me to explain it to you, just this final time Why must I be so analytical? Why must you be so ectoparasitical? Take you away from this billboard Take your extension ladder and your Dutch Boy paint You ask me how could I hurt you I'll explain it to you just this final time
37.
SUBURBAN SOUL SERIES What more are stereotypes but immense exaggerations of tiny truths? What is fantasy but advertisement for synthetic aggrandizement that's so obvious it's fake? Who's to say who's really in torment, when someone has to pay the rent - and it won't be your heart exposed Just because you've never been opened doesn't mean that you're closed What could be more tragic than a sheltered mis-assemblage [sic] of those subdued, who claim that they would risk the greatest cost because they haven't loved because they haven't loved because they haven't loved and lost?
38.
39.
I'M JUST ANOTHER SONGWRITER WITH A GUITAR I’m just another songwriter with a guitar there are a million of me and you know who you are I’m just another songwriter with a guitar there are a million of me and we know who we are

about

{TCE-042}

THEOPHAGUS is the name of the solo songwriting/recording project I began at around age 16. From 1992-2002 I recorded roughly 100 hours of material, most of it on my Yamaha MT8X 8-track cassette recorder.

This is the fourth in a series of archival collections. Each is about an hour long. Every song has been redigitized, rebuilt, remixed, and remastered directly from the original cassettes.

(While we at Optical Pies Recorders have made every effort possible to heighten and augment the fidelity, the quality in places might seem lacking. Probably because I was a teenager and recorded everything through crappy distortion and phaser pedals.)

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released July 22, 2015

[UPDATE Sept. 1 2015] It appears that the track "Saanen Hock Chevon" from Volume 1 has made an accidental second appearance here at track 33. I guess I was snoozing (= WINNING)

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