How Do I Fisted Planet

by Theophagus

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about

{TCE-044}

THEOPHAGUS is the name of the solo songwriting/recording project I began at around age 16. From 1992-2002 I recorded roughly 100 hours of material, most of it on my Yamaha MT8X 8-track cassette recorder.

This, the sixth compilation of recordings spanning nearly a decade, is solely dedicated to the "harder" side of Theophagus - AKA "I got squealin' metal riffs out the yoni." As always, every second has been redigitized, rebuilt, remixed, and remastered directly from the original cassettes (including micro in the case of track 27).

credits

released August 6, 2015

"Leafblower Facial" cover photo by Ashly Roachclip

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TrashCanEagle Sacramento, California

Official label of XOC* and friends


* one of those video game music guys

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Track Name: Bunnym'n
DAMIAN (on answering machine): Fuckin' insane.... why don't you give me a call when you get back in, partner.......
Track Name: Taking Orgasms For Granted
TAKING ORGASMS FOR GRANTED

She was on the hopper
I was sprayin' filthy copper
And she mourns
Lopper told me, "lay low!
Can't you see how well the halo hides the horns?"

[NOTE: With its suggestive, perverted lyrics, this was a definite portent of Recreational Episiotomy . "Lopper" was in reference to a character named Lop Dopamine in a screenplay I had written in 8th grade. I only realized later that it could've been spelled L-A-U-P-E-R; but no reference to Cyndi was intended.]
Track Name: A Streetcar Named Fuck You
A STREETCAR NAMED FUCK YOU

I have authority over authority
I have priority over priority

[NOTE: This obviously predates the Recreational Episiotomy song of the same name, but I believe the sentiment is the same.]
Track Name: Goorew
GOOREW

A book of Faust is duly housed
under the leg of the table
Underneath
Long in the tooth, but telling the truth
The only thing long as her fable
is her teeth
Track Name: The Night Before
THE NIGHT BEFORE

The night before prepares you to tangle with Christ
If he wasn't the best he wouldn't be so overpriced
Track Name: Swingin' in B
SWINGIN' IN B

There was a bee on the swingset
He stung me in the ass
There was a bee on the swingset swing
He stung me in the ass
Tiffany don't squirt me with your baby doll bottle
Tiffany squirt me with her baby doll bottle
There was a bee on the swingset
He stung me in the ass
There was a bee on the swingset swing
He stung me in the ass
He stung me a thousand times
and stung my ass
Track Name: Pushover / Cutup
PUSHOVER
(features various clips from recordings I made of my neighbors fighting in 2002)

CUTUP

The pushover gets knocked down
The cutup is broken in half
The pushover gets knocked down
The cutup is broken in half