I Ain't Weird

by Theophagus

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{TCE-044}

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released August 16, 2015

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TrashCanEagle Sacramento, California

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Track Name: 63-68 B.C.
63-68 B.C.

- Now, listen to me. I'm going to speak softly and clearly.
- You know where you're going for lying?
- Bleahhbleeuah!
- You know where little boys go? (Yes, dad.) They go straight down...
- Bleahhbleeuah!
- ...and they - their bodies BURN. Do you wanna burn for the rest of your life...
- Esshnoaassphaaa.
- ...just burning and burning burning, and your body is just burning and you feel...
- Tink tink. Tink tink tink (explosion)
- ...like burning fire, and your hair is burning, and your eyes are burning...
- (snicker) tink tink. Tink tink tink (snicker) Tink tink.
- ...No, dad, I don't wanna be burning!!
- "Saaaphaasayphoss." And y'say, "what'd he say?" He said, "Kill."
- (inhaling noise) Now. See I'm gonna talk to you and I say a lot of things and run around in circles and everything and just pat you on the back and say "how you doin' Cos, how's everything?", see, and you don't see any smoke comin' out of my mouth, right- (exhaling noise) What'd'ya think of that?
- Hey, lookit me, I'm on top of the...WEEEEE ohh, ohhh, ohhhh.
- And I make the turn, and the guy takes the statue, goes WWOOOOOOAAAAUUUUUGH. SHOOM, OUT!
- He set us on fire twice!
- You sonofagun... (crashing noises) All over the house...
- (explosion) Fire One Torpedo - (explosion)...
- Na na na na na na na...
- Fire Two - (explosion)...
- Na na na na na na na...
- Fire Three - (gurgle) - We're out of water, sir.
- Na na na na na na na...
- Boooooooooo, doooooooo........ REEEEEEEEEEEEE!
- (changing radio stations noises)
- Reebersack, Hobbersobernsack, and North Bhreeburhabben.
- Well, sport, you can'tlotbedgestaggenbrobridgessnygavoh.
Track Name: Harpy
HARPY

Ravenous!
Talon-ous!
The trunk and the head of a woman that be stealin' my food
I never thought about the days when all the myths'd come true
And I guess it's just the variables of when you drop dead
But I do seem to recall one time when Gibson said:
"Wouldn't it be cool if we had flying dogs?
If they could cross a sparrow with Chihuahua?
Imagine being bitten by a flying dog..."
But now I don't think I'll live to see tomorrow
Ravenous!
Talon-ous!
The trunk and the head of a freak of nature born in the past
[But realized of man's determination to last?]
The "flyin' dog" quote wasn't far off at all
But now it's little women flyin' 'round, screechin' their call:
"Wouldn't it be cool if we had flying dogs?
If they could cross a sparrow with Chihuahua?
Imagine being bitten by a flying dog..."
But now I don't think I'll live to see tomorrow
Track Name: Indigenous Linda #1
INDIGENOUS LINDA

I'll never get out of this place
An eternal good time not withstanding
I just couldn't look at her face
She, my guide through hard-time space expanding
From a bottomless firepit
Came a string of electric lights
And the image that came from it
Was one of mirth and dying Earth
And new wave civil rights
A staircase of spiral design
Transdimensional confines exploded
Ten flights down to the mastermind
of a trend that could not be outmoded
Seein’ as how I was still alive
I entered, riding a brand new knife
No one there saw the truck arrive to drive me out
The title bout has been here all my life
Track Name: I Ain't Weird
I AIN'T WEIRD

If you think there's an answer deep down in the plumbing
If you think it will come
You've got another thing coming
It's never what you think
From when the underhanded had me branded
Missing more than a link
To the moss and sauce from which you stand across
If you think there's a handle even close to your reach
If you're using your tips just to take down the bleach
Christ knows I ain't weird
It's only when you're near the end
That you say we've just begun
Track Name: Filet-O-Fish
FILET-O-FISH

Styrofoam love
What are you thinkin' of?
Don't you think you've had enough?
Pass it back, kick down my stuff
Workin' hard
Middleman for lard
Could you put you in my place -
Find the truth behind my face?
What have you got for me? [x4]
Zombies in uniforms so jaunty
Kowtow to their every wish
Caving in, you fulfill their want-y
Specialty and processed fish
What have you got for me? [x4]
Trenches deep
Lifetime I will keep
Feelin' dumb and I'm talkin' loud
Put you down and draw a crowd
What have you got for me? [x4]
Track Name: Quite Pegged
QUITE PEGGED

I sit alone in my little garden chair
I smoke the days away with filtered nicotine
I've let my beard down and birds nest in my hair
In the camper, lovin' like I've never seen
I love the flowered pathway
I lust for living badly
My chest is pinching, stabbing--but I'm OK
I play my ukelele in the garden chair
Propaganda for a land six feet away
Muchas personas se están esperando
I love the mayonnaise rubdown
Take that corn back to whence it came
¿Qué es la abstinencia -
When life is just a pastime game?
Track Name: Flippy Floppy
FLIPPY FLOPPY

She want flippy floppy
But all I have agape
I have no excuse
Except her slunt was kinda copy.
She want floppy flippy
But it was just so trippy
It goes to show
You never never know
So always bet on bippy.
Track Name: Paint Your Bald Spot
PAINT YOUR BALD SPOT

Bald spot, paint your bald spot
Bald spot, paint your bald spot
Dead eye, Moon Pie, big thigh girl
Track Name: Roadhouse Pisser
ROADHOUSE PISSER

Jinglin' the keys to the shithouse door
In a roadhouse pisser, a roadhouse pisser
Jinglin' the keys to the shithouse door
In a roadhouse pisser, a roadhouse pisser
Her lovin' gonna make my ribcage into a xylophone
Her lovin' gonna make my ribcage into a xylophone
Knees on the tile and my head in the bowl
In a roadhouse pisser, a roadhouse pisser
Knees on the tile and my head in the bowl
In a roadhouse pisser, a roadhouse pisser
Her lovin' gonna make my ribcage into a xylophone, look out
Track Name: Igor the Transylvanian Speedfreak
IGOR THE TRANSYLVANIAN SPEEDFREAK

Igor the Transylvanian speedfreak
Freak!
The Transylvanian speedfreak
Eye-gor! Freak!
The Transylvanian speedfreak
Freak! Freak! Freak!
Track Name: I Saw Your Dream
I SAW YOUR DREAM

I saw the steam from your dream in the hall
I should be shamed and in-famed
Not at all
I took a peep, faked my sleep, totally still
One-sided show, was a low of the will
Lei suona il cuore molto bene
Escolta la registazione il nostro della suo canzone preferita
I heard the steam from your dream in your room
Light(?) black as night on a fight sure to resume
You think I get desperate, but tell me true
How do plans progress into a mess when planned by you?
Sometimes it's over before it's begun
Escolta la registazione il nostro della suo canzone preferita
I saw your dream
And my dream
Track Name: Numbers
NUMBERS

Beans and motor oil
Sacrifice for control; control mis-used
Sadistic, repetitive colors
A change of atmosphere
Violent gagging
Obscure as technology
He left to tradition all they held imperative
I cried all day
Numbers
Out of context and meaningless
...in a way
Track Name: Samurai
SAMURAI

I'll tell you why I cried: because I couldn't move
It's always how it goes, nothing to do or prove
I'll tell you why I cried: because of feeling trapped
It used to make me struggle, but now my drive is tapped
And that is why I have become a samurai
But not the kind you have heard of
Lazy and devoid of motivation, and of love
Track Name: Scott Ain't Here So Go Away
SCOTT AIN'T HERE SO GO AWAY

I know it revokes platitudes of clichéd commonplation
but girl there's no such thing as instant gratification
your atmosphere is tainted with a musty, aged scent
of cosmetics, which you're painted with
(leas' I think that's what I meant)
Scott ain't here, go away and don't come back
I know I shouldn't find myself a two-bag situation
but girl there's no such thing as moral gratification
my intellect is tainted with a sick, perverted crux
a most upsetting notion (Jesus Christ this ditty sucks)
Scott is here, why don't you stay? don't turn your back
Track Name: Warm Beer
WARM BEER

A case of beer, a warm veneer
The hills were flat and boring
To hoist the sails on grander scales
is left to those exploring
Burning cones on Catherine's bones,
we set out on the railroad
Packed a 'Lac and regrouped back
with dancing devils haloed
I threw a blistered lasso out to every head of cattle
I grew a head of fire for each time I went to battle
Track Name: Expelled
EXPELLED

Back when I was a kid, all the things that I did
they seemed vexatious
Back in grade number five I would talk so much jive
no concern for cautious
I was so obnoxious
I was king, I had my day
then I was sent away
Said goodbye to my peers, it was jerkin' my tears
they signed my ball
Spent the summer alone, on my head was a cone
didn't matter at all
return back to the hall
I was king, I had my day
then I was sent away
Track Name: Fourth Class Human Skull
FOURTH CLASS HUMAN SKULL

Think not of yourself, but of your armor
Resting on a shelf in someone's future
You'd be a bargain for study
or a subject for a drawing course
and though your story'd be muddy
your legacy would be that of your cranial hull
A fourth-class human skull
A basic comprehension of our design
In a disparate dimension after your body has resigned
Track Name: Gas
GAS [single edit]

I think, why are all the good ones so few and far between?
Then I get to thinkin'
If that weren't the case
Exactly what it'd mean
It'd mean that all the others would then be oddity
(That's including me) and then commodity
and I wouldn't be here bathed in gasoline
I think, why are you so cold and why are you so mean?
Then I get to thinkin'
If you hadn't left
Exactly what it'd mean
It'd mean that I'd be lucky to have you here with me
But here I wouldn't be, we'd set sail and be free
and I wouldn't be here bathed in gasoline
I think, will it be as painful as when you cut me down
When I light the match and cinder [?] into ash
and blow across the ground?
It'd hurt for only minutes and then it will have been
the last that I'll be seen
and I will not be here bathed in gasoline
Track Name: Rosewater & Bleedyface
ROSEWATER AND BLEEDYFACE (the prehistory)

Rose W. was on a cloud, ‘n she shouted down onto the crowd,
through a megaphone so very loud, the waves, they got the bends
W was Watovich, and in time was her saving stitch:
Her message, and the bulk of which was “please salute my friends”
Markie’s finger and Mickey’s thumb—the latter climbed and shuffled some
before announcing that someone had come to rid the path before us
A deskjob on a sinking ship found Mickey saying,
“she can slip and slide, but I won’t let her rip!”
...I’m looking for the chorus...
Track Name: Moat
MOAT

I'm a door and you're a switch
and right now you've turned off to all that comes through me
I'm a whore and you're a bitch
and right now you've been had to all that you won't concede
How's life underneath your rock?
How is it beyond the moat?
How are things back in history?
How is it in your anchored boat?
I'm the way and you're the block
and right now you're stumbling over what you claim to know
I'm a day and you're a clock
and right now you're stopping, refusing to let me go
Break ground, shut down
You and your mind are a "CLOSED TO PUBLIC" sign
Track Name: Duster
DUSTER

Bury my fears with the wisdoms
Everything's burning ahead
Is this mark of a true bombardier?
Grinding 'er down to the lead?
Envious phantasmic playmates
Dodging the cones on the side
Up on the wheel but not under
Since LNCLN2 up and died
Talking to myself again
Every way the same
Riding in a (SEVEN-ZERO) ...with no name
Track Name: The Religion Song
THE RELIGION SONG

Jesus was a woman and Moses was a queer
Job invented LSD and God invented beer
Satan did a lap dog and John had sex with cats
Eve hung out in nightclubs and Judas went to Fat's
Samuel was busted for robbing liquor stores
Obadiah liked the Stones and Amos liked the Doors
Micah rode a skateboard and blistered both his knees
Joshua was blown away by thirty homie G's
Baa baa blasphemer, have you any faith?
Fuck no, bag ho', thou hast lost an eighth!
Mark went on Geraldo and Luke on Ricki Lake
Jonah bought a dime bag and he and Lot were baked
Cain & Abel shared a place and Adam lived alone
Matthew played Nintendo and Ezra played trombone
Peter followed Ruth around until he hit the skins
Jeremiah wore a wig and Noah scuba fins
Mary worked at Burger King, Isaiah worked at Shell
Malachi went to the track and Joseph went to hell
Track Name: Indigenous Linda #2
INDIGENOUS LINDA

I'll never get out of this place
An eternal good time not withstanding
I just couldn't look at her face
She, my guide through hard-time space expanding
From a bottomless firepit
Came a string of electric lights
And the image that came from it
Was one of mirth and dying Earth
And new wave civil rights
A staircase of spiral design
Transdimensional confines exploded
Ten flights down to the mastermind
of a trend that could not be outmoded
Seein’ as how I was still alive
I entered, riding a brand new knife
No one there saw the truck arrive to drive me out
The title bout has been here all my life
Track Name: Toursick
TOURSICK (MUST EXIT AGAIN)

Drivin’ slow through S.L.O.
I found my bearings
Right next to my marbles
It garbles the sound
I’ve been countried, I’ve been towned
Gotta get out on the black top
Must write “Must Exit” all over
Again
I’ve been
country-stoned and straight up crowned
How does it feel?
Not only tires squeal
I’ll do it again
I did it again and again
Track Name: Automatic Sprinklers
AUTOMATIC SPRINKLERS

Too far to save, you made your own bed, dug your own grave
She'll dig you better dead
Sung your last song while you fought for your rights
But your right to be wrong got caught in the sights
I'll be wishin' you were here
And lookin' for a beer
When the automatic sprinklers come on
I'll be brushin' off the snails
And lookin' towards the rails
When the automatic sprinklers come on
She's so dramatic with musky black cones
A head like an attic full of cobwebs and bones
An old Cadillac with devils haloed
Who dance in the back as she hits the road
Now it's only mono
But a head that's givin' her doom
is a pain that's sharp like Romano
So why are you leavin' so soon?
The street lamps turn on
The rain's comin' down
Her ass on the bumper, her feet on the ground
Her head in her hands, elbows on her knees
The headlights shine out onto apricot trees